Dumb Blonde Jokes

Dumb Blonde Jokes (no one is sacred)

1.) What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
2.) Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
3.) Three Blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for four hours they finally saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left" so they turned around and went home.
4.) What do SMART Blondes and UFO's have in common? You always hear about them but never see them.
5.) What did the Blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios? Oh look, Daddy...Doughnut seeds.
6.) Why did the Blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice? Because it said concentrate.
7.) Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
8.) How can you tell when a Blonde sends you a fax? It has a stamp on it.
9.) Why can't Blondes dial 911? They can't find the eleven on the phone!
10.)What do you do if a Blonde throws a pin at you? Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!
11.)How can you tell if a Blonde has been using your computer? There is white-out all over the monitor.
12.)Why shouldn't Blondes have coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them.
13.)A brunette goes to the doctor and as she touches every part of her body with her finger she says, "Doctor it hurts everywhere. My leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck hurts, and even my head hurts!" The doctor asks, "Were you ever a Blonde?" "Yes, I was," she replies. "why do you ask?"
The doctor answers, "Because your finger is broken!"
14.) A Blonde and a brunette were walking outside when the brunette said, "Oh look at the dead bird." The Blonde looked skyward and said, "Where, where?"
15.) A brunette is standing on some train tracks, jumping from rail to rail, saying "21""21" "21." A Blonde walks up, sees her and decides to join her.
She also starts jumping from rail to rail, saying "21" "21" "21." Suddenly, the brunette hears a train whistle and jumps off the track just as the Blonde is splattered all over the place.
The Brunette goes back to jumping from rail to rail, counting "22" "22" "22."
16.)How do you drown a Blonde? Put a scratch & sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.
17.)Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one? You have to hollow out the head.
18.) How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde's eye? Shine a flashlight in her ear.
19.)Why don't Blondes like making KOOL-AID? Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
20.) Did you hear about the two Blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theater? They went to see "Closed for Winter."
21.)Why won't they hire Blondes as pharmacists? They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
22.)A Blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin.
Out pops a coke.
The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins.
She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks.
Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping and asking if someone else could have a go.
The blonde spins around and shouts in her face, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
23.)Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks.
The first blonde said, "These look like deer tracks," and the other one said, "No they look like moose tracks." They argued and argued for awhile and they were still arguing when the train hit them.
24.)Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger, but they couldn't.
The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down!"
25.)A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.
Then one day she comes home and finds her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead.
She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.
The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.
Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up ...
you're next!"
26.)Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.
27.)What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training.
28.)What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? "Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"
29.)Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? To see what was on the other side.
30.)How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor. "No, from skipping."

RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You are on the other side."

BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

THE VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it turned on or off?"
FINAL EXAM
The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half an hour. But I'm rechecking my answers.

BLONDE STEWARDESS
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here," she cried, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says, 'Do Not Disturb'!"